I FIND A SEA CAPTAIN IN MY GARDEN

A sea captain of note, found in my vegetable garden yesterday, has been taken back to his fleet of wrecked vessels, given a glass of rum and put to bed.

Known locally as Captain Richard de Levre, he explained to me that he had been looking for a mislaid anchor and some webbing, and would be returning to Plymouth of Devon directly.

"We assisted a gentleman sailor who appeared somewhat distressed," PC Robin Season of Devonshire's police explained to the local news. "We believe he will be travelling west soon. He had a small dog."